The Universe is a strange and wonderful place

The universe, the world, it’s all a wonderful place.

Just a few months ago I was down in the dumps. I felt completely useless, alone, and depressed. At the time, it felt like everywhere I looked, whoever I turned to, I felt cold and dejected. I felt judged. I remember telling someone that I was depressed and got a cold “no you aren’t. So, I started silencing myself. I started telling myself that I wasn’t needed. I guarded myself against everything, even my wife (who is the best and most awesome person I know in the whole universe). I stopped seeing the world as a wondrous place and began seeing it in black and white. But then I decided to reach out. I steeled myself, my wife lifted me up, and I got on my way again. I stopped trying to life for others. I stopped caring about how many friends I had and focused my efforts on the ones who stuck with me through my shittiest times. I made new ones in the new jobs I got. I realized, I’m really not alone. Looking back, I hate that I let my feelings be dictated by people who didn’t ever make the time to get to know me. I hate that I hinged my feelings on those friends who never had the time for me. Fast forward to now and I have amazing opportunities in my future. I have friends who keep in touch even if it’s hard to make time. I am incredibly blessed with this amazing wife who kept my light on even when I was trying to snuff it out. The universe, the world, it’s all a wonderful place. I just need to look at it that way.

-Skipperstitch

Ghost of a friendship, Lies a of a friend

Hold fast, stay strong, keep your light and keep the darkness at bay.

Pictures hold a thousand words, and lifetimes warmth within,

Of friendships past, where lack of trust seems almost a sin.

Look past the eyes, the joking grin, the bear hug that they gave.

It will remind you of memories you thought you didnt save.

Almost ethereal, almost real, that hold made things seem true,

but, it seems, the person you had, had covertly altered their hue.

The warmth became as cold as ice, the hands with claws like daggers of steel.

When left alone, you quietly sit and try to remember what was real.

As you look back, you see what changed and surely its a jest.

But it was you who made a mistake in holding up their crest.

In time you wished that you would be the one that they’d count on.

but In your darkest moment, on your mind did it finally dawn.

As you put more importance in the ones you thought your own,

the life of you, the confidence and soul was sucked out of your bones.

But these are only hauntings see, do not let them win the day.

Hold fast, stay strong, keep your light and keep the darkness at bay.

No amount of lies or ghosts can wither your heart

unless you, and you alone, give them the right to start.

So worry not of ghostly comrades, of whose time you should forget,

Keep  your eyes ever on the future, let go of the lies that you have met.

 

-SkipperStitch

Writing, feeling, waiting, hoping….

I wonder why I always wait.

I woke up today. That, in itself, is a huge tremendous blessing. I woke up today next to my beautiful wife. Another amazing gift. So I guess I’m doing alright yeah?

Anyways, ive neglected this blog for far too long. Honestly, I get a little scared everytime i look at it. Like the words I’ll write don’t have no right to be written, the thoughts in my mind, no right to exist. In less melodramatic terms, I feel like nothing i say or do is worth being said or done. But I’m wrong. Right? Eh, well this’ll pass, it always does. As i reflect on the title of this particular blog post, I wonder. I wonder why I always wait. What am I waiting for? the longer i sit here, the more of my life passes me by and, you know, I wasnt lying when i told myself, all those years ago, that I didn’t want to merely exist. I wanted to live. But boy is it hard to live. How do people do it? how do people talk to other people they don’t know, strike up conversation, I mean, just, how? God, I swear i spend most of the day worrying what I’ll say or do that by the time I decide, the day is over and gone. I have to get out out of this funk I’m in. One step at a time I guess. UIm deciding to speak to a psychologist. Or therapist? Probably one of my biggest fears but, if it’ll help me, then i welcome it. Here’s to the future.

An escapist stuck in the body of a shy guy.

You ever feel like you wear a mask every day?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand there goes a month. Hahaha so much for the regularity of this blog. But I said I wouldn’t give up on it so I won’t. Anyways, hi guys! nice to be back. Was dealing with a few things mentally and emotionally (still am) but am much more stable. On to the good stuff.

(As an aside, if you havent watched spirited away, please please watch it. Such an amazingly beatiful movie.)

SO! I have a question for you all. You ever feel like you wear a mask every day? I mean, you’re probably thinking that this is such a cliché question. But, no really. How often do you wake up and feel like you’re getting ready to step onto a stage? Does it feel like you’re putting up an act? And then, when you are with people you trust, are you able to peel back that mask and show who you really are? It’s a curiosity, isn’t it? How you can completely change your personality in an instant when you’re in the middle of a comfortable situation or with friends and family you trust. It’s almost scary. Is it a defense mechanism of some kind? Does everyone do this? How can you be honest and yet put on a facade? It feels so dishonest to me but I understand why people do it. I do it. Every day. I’m sure you all do it to in some way or another. And I know that sometimes, it can help. Being able to act a certain way in interviews or in front of those you work with is probably a good thing. Putting on a “Game Face” or so they say. But to any of you who can be honest all the time; be yourself without fear of being judged or made fun of; I salute you. It take a whole hell of a lot of courage. So how do you do it? I’d like the advice! Please leave a comment! Alrighty guys, I’m signing off for the night. Later days!