We stop time.


I take a moment to pause

The world moves around me, time doesn’t stand still. It moves, flows, ebbs, and slows, but never stops.

I’m stopped. My emotions consume me. My sadness washes over me. My happiness flits around me. Anger coincides deep within. Cracked like glass, the sections of self permeate with different thoughts and break and reconnect over and over.

The next moment. I am broken. The next moment. I am whole. I look around and I am no longer paused. Everything else seems to be.

A woman next to the building looks distraught, holding her phone to her ear. Biding time holding on hope that the next few words bring solace. I can only speculate. The man 2 balconies up, one hand flailing, the other clenched. Screaming obscenities into an open door. The pure unadulterated joy beaming from a child’s face, arm wrapped around a plush. The father and mother smiling as she makes her way toward them. First steps? I wonder.

Pause. Paused to take a moment in. Realizing we all stop time when we need to even though time is never stopped. Paused. Paused within a perception each of us holds. We live each in our own minds. Time doesn’t stop. We stop time.

The conundrum that is humanity.

It’s an interesting thing

You know what’s strange? We as humans have this weird tendency to be both complimentary and depreciate at the same time. Scouring the internet and forums, i see so many different examples of this. We always seem to want to see someone succeed but if that person succeeds too much, we call for their downfall. We wish others to be happy but when someone we deem unworthy of being happy becomes happy, we become angry. It’s a strange symptom of being a human. And to top it off, many people no longer try to rise above this train of thought. They just jump on and ride it without thinking of consequences or action. It feels like a product of the internet. We have keyboard warriors on all side flexing digital muscle, posturing and showing themselves to be the alpha when in reality, they live these small lives in which the internet is where they get their only attention. It’s all a bit unsettling. I am by no means blaming anyone or anything in general. Mostly just musing on what I’ve observed. It’s an interesting thing.


Another Birthday is a new start

I truly hope I can keep my heart light and confident as I move forward.

I know a lot of people use the new year as they’re new start. I’ve decided, this year, that my birthday is my new start. I just turned 30. I’m not where I want to be in life, and I find myself unhappy about many things on a daily basis. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining, merely acknowledging the fact that I, alone, am the reason for my problems. I know that I have made many many mistakes and bad choices. I look at myself in the mirror and I get so mad at what I see. I started living in the past, so many coulda woulda shoulda’s, dwelling on my past mistakes and what I could have done differently. I started really hating waking up in the morning. It physically hurt to get up. Luckily, my wife is my best friend and the best part of my life. She pushed me forward and reminded me how much I was loved. My friends surrounded me with love and, through little acts of kindness, started making me believe I would be ok. My most recent surprise party solidified that for me. Then, during my birthday vacation, we made a trip to Zion. Sitting at the edge of the lookout, I made myself a promise. I will start actually investing in myself. I’ll be kinder to myself and open myself to help from others. This year is the start of a big change in my life. It really is time to start moving up in life and I can’t do that without confidence in myself, my family, my friends, and my faith. I truly hope I can keep my heart light and confident as I move forward. That’s my only birthday wish is year. Thanks for reading. Later days.


Ghost of a friendship, Lies a of a friend

Hold fast, stay strong, keep your light and keep the darkness at bay.

Pictures hold a thousand words, and lifetimes warmth within,

Of friendships past, where lack of trust seems almost a sin.

Look past the eyes, the joking grin, the bear hug that they gave.

It will remind you of memories you thought you didnt save.

Almost ethereal, almost real, that hold made things seem true,

but, it seems, the person you had, had covertly altered their hue.

The warmth became as cold as ice, the hands with claws like daggers of steel.

When left alone, you quietly sit and try to remember what was real.

As you look back, you see what changed and surely its a jest.

But it was you who made a mistake in holding up their crest.

In time you wished that you would be the one that they’d count on.

but In your darkest moment, on your mind did it finally dawn.

As you put more importance in the ones you thought your own,

the life of you, the confidence and soul was sucked out of your bones.

But these are only hauntings see, do not let them win the day.

Hold fast, stay strong, keep your light and keep the darkness at bay.

No amount of lies or ghosts can wither your heart

unless you, and you alone, give them the right to start.

So worry not of ghostly comrades, of whose time you should forget,

Keep  your eyes ever on the future, let go of the lies that you have met.