Depression

You don’t get that right!

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Chester Bennington committed suicide today. Linkin Park was one of my favorite bands when I was younger. RIP. People want to judge him for his actions. Others will say “just another rock star killed by drugs and alchohol”. They’ll say he had 6 kids and a wife. Like that should have been enough to stop him. But here’s the thing. Depression will claim you when you’re not looking. Depression will blind you and make you look past those who love you and who you love. In that singular moment where you make that choice, there’s too many thoughts running through your head but the only one, the only thought and feeling is the fear you have. The fear that you never amounted to anything. The fear that you let people down. The fear that you wasted someones time. Everyone’s time. And that is what drives you. There are no happy thoughts. There is no light at the end of this tunnel and let’s face it and drop the sugar coated crap, you feel alone. Every person around you becomes a distorted caricature of what you knew and your head and depression makes you distort them. They become the reason you are depressed. You become the source of everyone’s hatred. Compound that with any type of trauma you’ve endured and yeah, you’d have to be heartless to think it was solely the person’s fault. No one is heartless enough to purposefully leave their loved ones. But apparently there are people heartless enough to think they can judge someone they didn’t know for actions that may have been brought about by so many factors. No. You don’t get that right. So if you feel even the slightest bit offended or feel like you have some say in this, you don’t because you don’t know how it feels to look at everyone and feel like they in some little stupid fucked up way that they hate you and you don’t know how it feels when that thought eats so much of you away that you don’t even feel human anymore. So if that’s how you feel, thanks for being a friend and deleting me. I probably didn’t need you in my life.

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