I can’t let myself get stuck for too long, can I?
You know the feeling where, there’s your goal, the light at the end of the tunnel, and it feels so close. So you take a step towards it and it actually feels like you took two steps back in the process? That’s where I’m at. Now I know I’m not the only one who ever feels this way, but i think i know what the problem is. Where my peers have though their way through it, fought their way, or just straight up willed their way through their proverbial quicksand, here I lay. Thats the biggest mistake anyone could make and, by god, I KNOW that. So what went wrong? I remember when i was in school, the amount of work I’d put in to make sure everything was done. Now I can barely motivate myself to wake up.It feels like something broke in there (my mind). But that’s ok, I think. This is just another opportunity to kick myself up and dust myself off. I can’t let myself get stuck for too long, can I? I wonder what today will bring me?
Good News Everyone! (please use Herbert Farnsworths Voice when reading this for added effect haha)
but really, I guess this is more good news for me then it is for you! I’m not giving up on this blog and am, in fact, expanding upon it. I have always wanted to write a novel or book filled with short stories and/or poems. So, I think I’ll start here. Hopefully I can get some followers to read them along with my usual thoughts and blurbs about life. Very much trying to find a positive outlook and release valve for my own thoughts. I know alot of you guys are too so I hope that I can give you something to chew on. But welcome to this lovely, desolate, hopeful, fearful, confident, beat down place i like to call my mind. Please make yourselves at home. I welcome any type of constructive criticism, be it towards my work or my thoughts, but please be kind. I know the internet can be a shitty place but I still have hope for human kind. I think, most importantly, I still hold out on hope for you. Yeah you! Reading this! Yeah, you’re awesome! Thanks for being here! Enjoy!
I wonder why I always wait.
I woke up today. That, in itself, is a huge tremendous blessing. I woke up today next to my beautiful wife. Another amazing gift. So I guess I’m doing alright yeah?
Anyways, ive neglected this blog for far too long. Honestly, I get a little scared everytime i look at it. Like the words I’ll write don’t have no right to be written, the thoughts in my mind, no right to exist. In less melodramatic terms, I feel like nothing i say or do is worth being said or done. But I’m wrong. Right? Eh, well this’ll pass, it always does. As i reflect on the title of this particular blog post, I wonder. I wonder why I always wait. What am I waiting for? the longer i sit here, the more of my life passes me by and, you know, I wasnt lying when i told myself, all those years ago, that I didn’t want to merely exist. I wanted to live. But boy is it hard to live. How do people do it? how do people talk to other people they don’t know, strike up conversation, I mean, just, how? God, I swear i spend most of the day worrying what I’ll say or do that by the time I decide, the day is over and gone. I have to get out out of this funk I’m in. One step at a time I guess. UIm deciding to speak to a psychologist. Or therapist? Probably one of my biggest fears but, if it’ll help me, then i welcome it. Here’s to the future.